Letter to me

There are so many lessons that I wish I would've known before I was fifteen.  If I could go back in time and tell the younger version of myself what I know now, I definitely would. I would tell myself these things:

- You're not going to keep some of your middle school friends.  You'll eventually grow up and find that you have different interests.  You'll realize that you may be going on a different path than them and you'll eventually grow apart, even though you swore that you never would.

- At least one of your closest friends will change.  It will be the last person that you ever imagined.  Whether it's just a stage that he/she is going through, or they're trying to fit in with the newest style, they'll change and you'll grow apart.  It's going to hurt you a lot and no matter how many times you try and talk to them about it, it won't work.  You'll have to accept that this is the new them and hope for the best.

- You're going to make a "B" more than once.  When you're used to making "A's" all the time, a "B" is a hard thing to overcome and handle.  You'll stress yourself out over it.  You'll feel like it's the end of the world and you'll beat yourself up.  However, there are much worse things than this.  You'll have to accept it because it will happen again, even sometimes when you try your hardest.

- You're going to meet someone before you're fifteen. It will be safe to say that he's your first love.  You'll grow closer to him, due to your breakup with his best friend.  You'll become a part of his family and he'll become a part of yours.  He'll become your best friend, whom you can confide in for anything.  No matter how many times he makes you mad, sad or annoyed, he'll never fail to make you smile and make you the happiest girl in the world.  You'll fight and you'll say things that you regret, but in the end, you'll know that you wouldn't trade the other for anything.  You'll learn from one another and memorize the others ways.

- Spend time with your grandparents and your elders.  In the blink of an eye, something could happen to them and you'll regret not visiting them enough.

- Your dog will pass away when you're fifteen.  She will always be the family dog who everyone loved and who was a big part of your life.  She'll greet you every day when you arrive home, she'll bark incessantly when she sees a squirrel or a stranger, she'll accidentally pee in the kitchen and get in trouble, and even until her last days, she'll continue to love you uncontrollably.  Play with her and pet her when you see her, feed her cheese to make her happy, and don't ignore her when she wants attention.

- Your sister always will be the person that you can go to for anything.  Before she leaves for college, you'll fight non-stop and say harsh words to each other.  However, once she leaves for college you'll miss her more than anything.  Spend as much time with her as you can when she comes home.  You'll be able to come to her for advice and you'll be able to tell her everything without feeling like you'll be judged.  You'll have secrets just between the two of you and you'll always be able to trust her.

A New Stranger

He just came out of nowhere.  My parents let him stay because they knew he had a hard life.  God only knows why they took in such a dirty looking thing.  He's so cute though... He may be dirty, but he is so good looking.  The way that his green eyes shine just sends the hairs rising along my back.  I'd never admit that to anyone though. 

 I have a reputation to maintain.  Being the classy, elegant, and sophisticated creature that I am, it would be a disgrace for me to admit my feelings for this 'farm boy.'  That's why I act so hostile towards him.  I mean, my family just took him in as if they had known him for his whole life.  They fed him MY food and treated him as one of us.  I know I've made a few mistakes in my life.  One of them was by getting pregnant at such a young age, but I've done well since.  The kids are happy and fat and the family is doing great.  Everything was going well until he arrived.  

His name is Herman.  Whoever would think of naming their child such a ridiculous name?  My name, Dutchess, is far more appropriate.  He hangs out at the barn all of the time.  I wish he'd just stay there where his work is- taking care of the rodents.  Every night around supper time, he just randomly shows up at the back door.  I wish he would stay away so this wave of emotions that comes over me when I see him wouldn't occur. 

That arrogant strut of his and the way his voice sounds is so hot.  Sometimes I wish I could just pounce on him.  You know what, who cares what they think? He's here, I'm here.  I might as well give love one more chance... being that I am a cat with nine lives.  

Is God really punishing me for being a Saint?

Lately, I have a terrible streak of bad luck.

Last Monday, which is simply wonderful considering it was a Monday, I ran my sister's car battery dead by leaving on the lights.  It was the first time that I had driven to school since I received my learner's permit.  I came out of school and the car was dead as a doorknob.  Once the car battery was jumped, the radio wouldn't work because it needed a code.  WHEN DOES A RADIO EVER NEED A CODE? The next morning, my hair dryer decided that it wanted to blow cold air instead of hot air and blow only on low speed.  I went to use my mom's hair dryer and the next thing I know, it jumped out of my hands and into the toilet, while it was still plugged up! Directly after that, I hit my shoulder on a drawer and almost knocked the television off of the dresser.  Once that happened, I came to the conclusion that God was punishing me for some odd reason.

I'm a good girl.  I keep my grades up, I'm respectful to adults, I can be sarcastic, but I never mean it, and I pray for forgiveness and my family every night.  The idea of God punishing me just didn't make sense.  So, I then came to another conclusion that he wasn't punishing me, yet putting obstacles in my path in order for my faith to grow in Him.  That conclusion made a lot more sense.

This then lead me to think, why do bad things happen to good people? I know my streak of bad luck and the incidents involved in it weren't necessarily, "bad," because there's much more worse things in the world.  However, even the simplest of things lead you to think and question, "Why me?"

We live in a world full of hate, crime, and violence.  In the big world though, we each live in our own little worlds as well.  We get so caught up in having the perfect life, the perfect clothes, the perfect house, the perfect car, etc., that we forget to think of how some people have it so much worse.  When one little incident occurs, such as running the car battery dead, we can't help but think that it's the end of the world.  Why do we do this?

We're human, that's why.  We're created to be selfish human beings.  It's sin.  We don't realize how how well we have it until an unfortunate incident occurs.  It's like with the Bible; most of us only read it when we have lost our way and we feel as if our life is crumbling, not when we feel like we have it all together.

With my streak of bad luck came a huge realization.  It's true that we don't appreciate the life that we have until something awakes you from your perfect little world.  It's also true that bad things will happen to good people in order to get them to come back down to Earth. I feel as if my bad luck was my wake up call.  I need to start having more faith in God.  I need to stop being so selfish and realize that I already have more than enough.  I need to care for others a lot more than myself and I need to make more Christian-like decisions.  God wasn't punishing me. He was just making me realize how lucky I am.

"The Last Time" - Taylor Swift

***Although this blog pertains to a song and its lyrics, it does not go along with the 'music response' blog.

I recently purchased the new Taylor Swift, "Red," album.  I immediately fell in love with the song, "The Last Time," which features Gary Lightbody.

The song starts off with Lightbody singing about how a boy finds himself at a girl's door, which he has done many times.  He then says, "I'm not sure how I got there, all roads they lead me here."  I believe this means that no matter which direction that life takes him, it always leads him back to her.  I feel like many people can relate to this particular part of the song because almost everyone has that one person in their life that will always be a part of them no matter what.

What I gathered from the song and its lyrics is that this couple has had many ups and downs.  No matter where they go, they always find themselves ending back up with each other.  It seems as if the boy is causing the problems, although he does love the girl.  It also seems that even though the boy has made many mistakes in their relationship, a part of the girl strongly loves him, no matter what mistake he makes.  The girl continues to forgive the boy and she finally reaches the point where this is the last chance that she'll give him.

A part of the song that really touched me was the part that Taylor Swift sings- "And all the times I let you in, just for you to go again, disappear when you come back, everything is better."  This shows how she keeps forgiving the boy and every single time she is let down.  It's his last chance to prove to her that he really loves her.  

The song continues to another part that I can relate to.  It says, "This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong.  This is the last time I say it has been you all along.  This is the last time I let you in my door.  This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore." I believe this is saying that the girl is tired of being told what she does wrong.  She knows her flaws better than anyone else, just like every girl does.  She realizes at this time that this is where she needs to draw the line and tell him that she can't keep doing this.  She's tired of being hurt by the same person over and over again.  The boy then promises that he won't hurt her.  

There comes a time in everyone's life where you have to say, "Enough is enough."  Whether it's from stopping a bad habit, putting yourself and others down constantly, or in this case, being in a relationship that is no good for you.  A time will eventually come where you have to do what's best for you.  The girl obviously cares so much for the boy even though he continues to break her heart, which is reality for many girls.  I feel as if the boy truly loves the girl, but he leaves just so he can come back to her.  He continuously finds himself always coming back to this certain girl, maybe because in the end, he'll realize she's the one who he is meant to be with.

Love causes you to do things that you'd never believe you'd do.  It causes you to take chances, make mistakes, and have many learning experiences.  It causes you to become rebellious.  It makes an innocent child, wild.  It has the power to affect you in the strongest of ways if you let it.  I believe this song accurately shows the affect that love can have on one.  Not only this, but it shows that you have to go through certain incidents more than once to see them for what they really are.

I Cry- Tupac Shakur

"Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confide in,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why."

When I read this poem, I felt an instant connection.  What I believe Shakur was trying to say was that the world is such a busy place and no one take's the time out of one's day to lend a helping hand or be there as a shoulder to cry on.  I'm sure that many people can relate to the poem because it explains one's feelings so well.  Whether it's from a teenager with a broken heart, a widowed spouse, or a person that has lost their way, this text transforms their feelings into words. At times, it's normal to breakdown, just because.  Even I myself have times where I just don't know what to do.  It's so easy to become worked up over the little things and feel as if no one cares about you. 

We often find ourselves becoming so wrapped up in the materialistic and busy ways of the world that we never stop to think about doing well for other people and actually caring about how others are feeling.  Occurrences like this happen every day. They can even be found in normal conversations and just by asking, "How are you? Majority of the time, we don't care how they are; we're just trying to be polite in a quick manner.  Have you really ever stopped, engaged in a conversation, and actually cared about what another is going through? It's very rare in today's times and I believe Shakur would agree.    

What I also gathered from the text was that it's hard now days to find someone that you can actually trust and talk to about the difficult times that you're going through.  It's always good to have a genuine friend that you can talk to because most of the time, other people are glad that you have problems.  However, it's hard to find someone that will actually remain loyal to you and if you do, you're very lucky.  

Some of the literary devices that were used in the poem were repetition with the use of the words, "I Cry".  I think the poet did this to emphasize the many situations that make him cry and to show the sensitive subjects. More literary devices utilized in this poem are irony and personification.  Irony with the phrase "The tears I cry are bitter and warm."  When you think of warmth, you think of being comfortable and that you're in a safe place, not falling apart.  Personification was expressed in the phrase "I Cry because my heart is torn."  You're heart can't be torn; therefore, it is giving human like qualities to a non-human object.  

I do believe that Shakur succeeded in writing this poem.  He clearly expressed his feelings and was able to succeed in his purpose to make me as the reader relate to and connect with him.  

It's not a goodbye, just a see you later.

It's crazy how attached to someone you can become in such a short period of time.  For a year, I had the privilege to know one of the most humble, sweet, and caring grandfathers in the entire world.  My boyfriend, Sam, had the privilege to know this man for his entire life. For the year that I have gotten to know Sam and his family, I have also grown closer to every single one of them.  I can still remember the first time I spent time with them, last year at Christmas.  I walked into their house and there was Papa.  He smiled at me and said "Oh I know who this girl is! I've seen you at school!"

On Wednesday, October 3^rd, 2012, I woke up to a message from Sam saying that Papa had a stroke in the middle of the night and was in the hospital.  For the next few days, the nurses monitored him and said that he was going to be okay.  The next day however, the blood in his brain had spread everywhere, but his breathing and heart rate were normal. If he would have lived, he would have been a vegetable, which is why everyone prayed that the good Lord would call him home soon.  

Sam’s parents took turns spending the night at the hospital with Papa.  You could tell that none of them were their selves, but how could you be at a time like this? It wasn't normal seeing all of them sad and upset, especially Sam. Sam has always been the type of person to tell jokes and make you laugh, which are traits that he received from his grandpa.  For the past year that Sam and I have been together, every time I would become upset, he was there to cheer me up and be there for me.  Now, it was my turn to be there for him.  

I couldn't imagine what the family was going through.  Just the weekend before, we were all sitting around in Papa and Mama's house having a wonderful time, and then the next weekend, Papa was gone. The part that really touched me though, was that Mama (Papa’s wife), never left his side at the hospital.  They were married for fifty- eight years.  A love like that is hard to find and even till his last days, you could tell that their love only got stronger every day.  Another part that touched me was that in Papa’s last few minutes of consciousness, he couldn't remember anyone, but when he saw Sam, he looked up and smiled because he remembered him.  Papa died Saturday, October 6^th, 2012.

When situations like this happen, it's hard not to question God, "Why?" Although that's the last thing that we should do, we do it anyway.  God works in mysterious ways and in my fifteen years, I've learned this and I have come to accept it, no matter how hard it is.  It's true that God gained an angel, but it's also true that Sam gained a guardian angel as well.  Papa was loved by everyone and in just a year of knowing him, I learned that he was beyond a wonderful man.  He was loved by a remarkable woman, who still continues to love him now and always will.  He had two great children and four amazing grandchildren who loved him dearly.  It’s true that life is short, so love the ones who are good to you, respect the ones that are not and always keep the faith.  

How to make the PERFECT snack size cookies!

In order to make your snack size cookies perfect, you should follow my instructions.  I consider myself a "Mini Paula Dean".  Read these directions and you'll be on your way to making your excellent cookies! 


Supplies

- One large mixing bowl
- A fork or a whisk 
- Paper towels (if you are a messy cook)
- One measuring cup (if needed) 
- One baking sheet

Ingredients

- Cookie mix
- 1/2 stick (1/4 Cup) Butter, Margarine or Spread, Softened (Not Melted)
- 1 Tablespoon of water 


***For best results, follow the directions if there are any on the back of the cookie mix bag

Step- by- Step Process

1) Gather one large mixing bowl, a fork or a whisk, one baking sheet, one tablespoon measuring utensil, one measuring cup (if needed) and paper towels.

* Your materials *

2) Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit (some ovens may tend to heat better than others, so you may need to increase or decrease your cooking time, depending upon the consistency of the cookie at the end of 8-10 minutes). 

3) Gather 1/2 stick of butter, one tablespoon of water, and your cookie dough mix. 

* Your ingredients *

4) Soften the 1/2 stick of butter (Do not melt it).

5) Mix one tablespoon of water into the butter. 

6) Now, stir in the cookie dough mix with the butter and water until soft dough forms. 

* The soft dough * 

7) Once your cookie dough is mixed, get a rounded teaspoon full of cookie dough and place it onto your baking sheet until all your cookie dough is used. 

* Cookies on baking sheet * 

8) Place your cookies into the oven and let bake for 8-10 minutes (Watch your cookies carefully so they do not burn and overcook).  

9) Once the top of the cookies are golden brown, take them out of the oven (MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ON AN OVEN MITT) and let them sit at least for a minute.  

* Final Product * 

10) After you have let your cookies cool on wax paper on the counter, place them into a suitable container such as a Tupperware container. 

11) Clean up your mess by throwing all your materials away, washing your dishes with hot, soapy water, and cleaning the counter.    

12) Enjoy! (: 

* Me enjoying my wonderful creation *